Shifts in Perspective

I've been having shifts in perspective since 2020. Being forced out of work and having a break from the modeling environment, I realized how much photographer behavior was actually inappropriate -- even from some of the professionals. In past posts you may have read about my irritation with discussions of pubic hair. I've decided that those conversations were totally out of line, and I will no longer entertain them. It was actually quite normal to me. It didn't have to be. 

When I began shooting again last year, I worked with a new photographer who requested a racist theme, and I refused to do that look. When I showed up to the shoot, I'd realized I'd forgotten another look on the list actually made me very uncomfortable. The first concept made me worry about how I'd look to other people. The second one has affected how I look at myself. I powered through, afraid of pushing back too many times and being labeled hard to work with. I'm pretty easy-going at shoots, and I laugh off a lot more than I even should. 

I felt physically repulsed by the theme, knowing I was failing the child I once was and wanted to protect at all costs. Because my body was on high alert, some of the things he said really disturbed me. It was clear he was shooting his own fetish, not just campy tropes. Every time the photographer tagged me after the shoot, I got upset and immediately untagged myself. Today I realized how sick of it all I was, and told him that it made me uncomfortable. I asked him not to tag me in them. I'm not waiting for am answer.

Another photographer I worked with recently asked me to do POV erotica -- masturbation. I told him I'd think about it. I did. I decided I didn't want to, and probably never will. I don't know this photographer very well and never will. It turns out the shots would be going behind a paywall. Profits from work like that should be going to me. I should be choosing what sites I collaborate with. Either way, after I shared that I wasn't willing to do that, he was no longer interested in shooting me. "Next time," but I doubt it will ever come. I'm disturbed by photographers that don't just hire erotic models for erotic shoots. Leave the ones like me alone. The past 6 years have shown me how much people really do get off on coercion, and I felt violated after this interaction. 

I'm a lot older now, and maybe less people will be booking me soon. But I'm grateful to know what I am and what I'm unwilling to tolerate. I won't make the mistake of keeping my mouth shut out of fear of coming off the wrong way ever again. Even if I need the money. 

I also am committed to honoring my natural hair texture. A lot of people aren't aware of my background, but I want it to be clear how important it is that I embrace it. 

I'd like to have a new reputation, one of someone that you can trust to show up with any kind of look and know you'll get amazing photos. I know it's my job to be a flexible template to get these concepts across, but I'm tired of playing dress-up just to fulfill really dry concepts. I'd much rather be flexible and free to pose as I'm inspired to. 

I really do love modeling and strive to give it my full effort every time I show up. I want to keep loving it. 

Anyway, that's all. You probably won't hear from me on here again until I decide to retire. 

New booking system!

https://cwen.youcanbook.me/

Shoot with Jason Haven

Jason has been a good friend of mine for a long time now. He caught me in the very beginning of my modeling (8.5 years ago) and I'm always comfortable working with him. So happy with these!

Should More Art Photographers Be Honest With Themselves?

I've posted before about how nudity is inseparable from sex(uality). Even if I go into something with the purest intentions, I can never help what turns people on. This is a reiteration based on recent experiences I've had this past year that are all tied to the same recurring theme. Let me set the foundation for this post...

• First off, it is OK to be a sexual being and express your interest and attractions through art. 
• Secondly, you can do this in a skillful, well-composed, and effective manner. 
• Thirdly, one of the few things I took away from art school (besides debt) is that you cannot define art. 

However, a lot of art (nude) photographers manage to get pulled into really odd class dynamics. How people have monopolized the term "tasteful" is just intriguing. And, a lot of them don't recognize where their sexual interests end and begin... and if they do, they aren't always honest about it. Let's just try to do away with the elitism, and in many cases, hypocrisy.

I know many photographers that also shoot erotica, but they hide it away. This could happen for professional reasons -- they don't want to miss out on clients, so they use a separate account for commercial and erotic work. These photographers execute their erotic captures skillfully, beautifully. Compared to the work most people view to get their rocks off, I definitely prefer what these photographers have done. However, how am I to say that Hustler and Playboy, formulaic as they are, shouldn't be considered art? I think this is when it comes to be a matter of intention -- practice -- volume. Sometimes it is a matter of mere documentation, but it really depends on the individual.

So where does this lead?

...If you're going to shoot the same things other people can't capture with as much skill, don't attack their class or taste level. It can speak for itself, can't it?

When it comes to models, recognize how your own attraction affects who you hire for a shoot. The majority of art models are young, thin, (female,) and generally quite fit. Why? If you really want to fill that visual environment, why does it need to be another youthful, statuesque nymph? Couldn't you tell a story with any kind of body type? Any sex? Any aged model? How would this change the story? And why are we so obsessed with repeating Classical Mythology over and over again?

What specifically has come to affect me this year, numerous times, is the argument over bush.

Whether you want to hire a model with bush is up to you -- but be honest with yourself as to why. I am neither pro nor anti-bush. But if you are in the same group of people that monopolizes on "art" and artistic nudity, that condemns the flat lighting and sloppy work of amateur photographers, and think you have a definition for what art actually consists of because you make it...

I don't want to hear from art photographers that bushes are better because they are more "adult" and "less childlike." I don't want to hear that shaved is fine, but it's the "five 'o' clock shadow" (which actually made me laugh) that's the problem. If you're open and honest about how your sexuality affects your work, cool. That's what was in when a lot of older male photographers were coming of age, and I get that. But how is that language fitting for art photographers? (Ones, quite often men, that are committed to the dignified objectification of the human figure.) If you like the contrast pubic hair provides, fine. I understand that. If stubble is distracting from your message, I definitely get that. If you're worried that a shaved crotch will draw more sexual thoughts to the area based upon how society treats body hair right now, that also makes sense.

As an artist, I can appreciate an uninterrupted, shaved figure. I can also appreciate a majestic nether-patch. I'm completely at ease with someone not wanting to work with me because of their personal philosophy on art and body hair, or that they just don't like my look. I'm just not at ease being shamed for it. 

Just ask yourself, especially if you're male -- and I welcome any comments on shooting philosophy/psychology --  am I fulfilling my fullest artistic potential by only shooting one kind of model? Am I being honest about my own motivations when it comes to artistic capture of the nude form? Do I need to re-compartmentalize?

Shoot with Guofeng Wang Jackson Hole, WY

Last month I had the privilege of working with Mr. G Wayne in Jackson Hole, WY. It was my first time ever in Wyoming as well as my first time modeling in the snow. I don't have any photos from the shoot, but I do have a snapshot taken by the other model, Catherine Weiss (who is awesome, check her out if you're in LA!).

Lake Powell Dynamic Nude Workshop 2015

This October I took part in Joel Belmont's workshop at Lake Powell, and it was by far one of the best modeling experiences I've ever had. Challenging myself in such a beautiful setting was exhilarating -- being around such amazingly creative, thoughtful people was a privilege. I would gladly return. :)


Here is a small sample of some of the images captured there.

Craig Colvin
 

Mickeylee Photography
 

Allyn Saroyan

Captain John Gorecki
 

Ryan Sumner


There are even more in my portfolio on Modelmayhem.

I also have to give a shoutout to the other models I worked with:
Monique 
Sekaa
Asianmanbun
Shasta
Aristodeme

Michael Stahlberg, LA 2015

He is always a pleasure to work with. :) This was a hard (but fun!) shoot.

 

 

 

 

 

Shoot with Chris Maxwell

He's always very patient, laidback, and easygoing when we work together. We got some pretty cool stuff at out last shoot. :)

 

 

 

Shoot with imagZen

 

 

I was going through that awkward phase of growing out my pubes that people ended up not even wanting to shoot. Rarrrrr.